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Living In a Large Family
Final Version of Project II
Joel Merritt
Children. To a parent this word can bring many different feelings: feelings of sadness, feelings of happiness, feelings of anger, feelings of pride. Hopefully, most parents find their experience with their children to be a joyful experience. I know my mother has. She has often said so. But how could my mother find the strength to raise eight children, and how could she find her experience with eight to be joyful? There are few couples that would ever want eight children. How could they take care of them all? What about the children? What is it like to live in a large family? It seems like the children would always be fighting and the house would be a war zone! Well, the number of children a family should have has always been a personal matter, so I won’t try to persuade anyone that large families are the greatest, but I will say that my experience of living with seven siblings has been enjoyable and I wouldn’t take back a moment…not too many at least.
The greatest concern of married couples is, “Where could we get enough money to raise four, five, or more children?” Yes, this is the all-important subject – money. “There just isn’t enough money to go around.” Indeed, most people suspect that large families are always poor. Poor? I would never have thought that as a young boy. But, of course, what did I know? I had seven buddies to play with and boy did we play! Living on four acres of wooded land, the outdoors was our playground. I was happy. My brothers and sisters were happy. My parents were happy for us. Oh, we didn’t live like kings (still we don’t), but what are riches without happiness? Could it be that money is the cure to a broken heart, the pill of happiness, or the love of a friend? No, money cannot buy happiness. If necessities are the concerns of these couples, then I have more sympathy for their concerns. My parents trusted God to provide for all of our necessities and I believe that He did. Many times clothing, for instance, was given to our family, sometimes from unsuspecting sources. Grants and scholarships were given to several in our family, allowing for inexpensive tuition costs. For parents that don’t believe in God, I hope you simply understand that large families can be happy families.
Even where money is not a concern, there is the problem of work. Every child is another burden, another pain in the neck, and another ten thousand hours of work. I know there are many who think like this (not that they should). But, then again, I know there are parents who feel that every child of theirs was a blessing and a joy. This describes my parents. I don’t think that there is any parent, regardless of their love or lack of love for their child or children, that would say that there is no work involved with raising children. There is plenty of work – any “parent” not working in raising their child is not acting the part of a parent, – but as the child grows up there will be less and less work and the rewards of that work will be worth it all, if the child has been taught right. This last phrase is really the key to the work problem. Some children turn out to be disrespectful and a headache within a headache. I was taught to honor and respect my parents. Parents whose grown up children are spoiled and disrespectful probably have themselves partly to blame. If children are taught and disciplined correctly, more than likely in the end the work that was done in raising them will pay off by the joy that they bring. That is something that money cannot buy.
Well, so far I’ve only discussed the parents concerns and feelings, but what about the children’s concerns and feelings? Don’t individual children in a large family get less attention than children in a small family? Well, that depends. The children would probably receive less attention from the parents, unless the parents tried harder to spend time with the children, but in overall attention (from parents and siblings), I actually think that I had more attention than a child from a smaller family. Of course, less attention from the parents can be interpreted as either a good or a bad thing by the children. You receive less positive attention and you receive less negative attention. (For instance, if you’ve done something wrong, you might not have as much attention devoted to your wrongdoing.) In a large family, you are rarely alone. There is always someone around to talk to. If you have healthy relationships with each one, then there is always someone’s company to enjoy. In a large family, where each child has been brought up right, there is always a helping hand, an understanding soul, a listening ear, and many great friends.
Well, it’s confession time. There is no such thing as a perfect family and our family is no exception. Each family is composed of individual sinners and imperfect people. Yes, there have been times when we have fought for ourselves to have something for ourselves, times when we’ve argued until we were “blue in the face” and “red in the eyes,” and times when we’ve envied one another, but still we love each other after our fights are over and our “weapons are thrown out.” Each of us cannot imagine, nor want to imagine, what it would be like without even one of us missing from the family.
There are other benefits to living in a large family, some of which I probably haven’t considered. I think that one of the most enjoyable parts of living with many athletic siblings has been the times when we have played sports and games together. We have played volleyball, badminton, tennis, basketball, ping-pong, kickball, horseshoes, sardines, and many other games together. Some of these would be hard to play with only a few people. Volleyball, my favorite sport, is one of those. We have a whole volleyball team in one family! If you are one of the youngest in a large family, another benefit is that you can learn from the older children.
Overall, although there are some disadvantages to living in a large family, I believe that there are many more advantages of having and being in a large family. Personally, I feel that I have been blessed to live in a large, loving family.
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