Foundation For Large Families
Information email: largefamilies2001@yahoo.com
Large Families Express Their Feelings about Adoption
We have had 2 successful adoptions and 1 failed adoption. The first two were special needs baby and the second was a 9 year old boy that wasn't prepared for adoption. The adoption workers don't return calls and then don't seem interested. Or they already have placed child, but child is still shown as available on site. W e have been turned down for a trans-racial adoption, due to the area we live in. WE have found it very difficult and emotional roller coaster. Yet, we know God has laid this on our heart and we are in the "race" again!!!!
We've had great experiences adopting. Our issues are with our adopted son who has FAE, ADD/ADHD, BP, RAD, ODD and is a handful…DSS has been good to us.
So Far ours have been positive.
Overall, our experiences have been good. There were times when our application was denied because we were too white, and we have had many troubles (more like bad luck) adopting and trying to adopt from the countries of Peru and India. On the other hand, we have received calls about domestic newborns one day and had them home within a week. It has been a very rough road, but I would not change it for any thing in this world. I believe that the Lord gives every man a calling and Christians follow their calling as best as they can. For DH and I this was the calling God had intended for us! Children are our ministry and we feel very blessed to have been chosen to love and nurture such wonderful blessings. We take each day as another lesson and pray that each child hit a milestone and work to overcome the abuse he/she has suffered in the past.
My parents adopted from India when I was a teen. I always wanted to after that. We adopted a 10 1/2 year old when our bio kids were 4 and 1. We found out she had 2 siblings in the orphanage. We put papers in to get them. They came 2 years later, 6 weeks after we had our 3rd bio child. They were 7 and 5. We had 2 more bio kids and a miscarriage. 4 years ago we decided to adopt the Hispanic baby girl we always dreamed of. We now have a 4 year old from a foster care that came Dec. 2002. Still looking for our Hispanic Girl!
We have adopted 9 children total, 6 directly from Russia, and 3 from Russia/Ukraine original thru disruption/private adoption.
Adopting is the best thing I have ever done with my life. I think I am addicted now, I just love parenting these children. As far as the process, I feel like there are many things that need to change. We need more workers, workers who are trained to keep their own bias out of placements and workers that threat us like we are helping them rather than bothering them, just to name a few. I just keep wondering when that theory "In the best interest of the child" will actually be the way the system works. There are workers who are exceptions out there and I thank the Lord for them.
We feel very fortunate to parent the children God has given us and hope we will be able to continue to do so in the future…
I have been blessed with three beautiful children, each with their own special needs. The challenges with adopting again that I've encountered are centered around my race (I am white and twice a staffing panel has denied my family because we are not the "same race" as the child in need…even though two of my children are of that race!). My other challenge has been having to justify my desire to parent more than the "norm" as a single parent. I've been asked "Aren't you grateful for the ones we've given to you already?" And "We don't need any more kid collectors." Even with this, I'll continue to advocate for children who can't be mine, and love the ones that are!
First adoption was fast and smooth. Second (sibling) was very complicated. Looking forward to the next.
As a single mom I adopted eight children who were aged 9-15 when they came into my home. Six are now adults. All had mental health needs. Two are deceased. Married a great man and started adopting. Adopted six children (who brand new and one set of four sisters) in three years.
Five are special needs and one is medically fragile. Have children with RAD, FAS, ODD, OCD, ADHD, drug exposed, premature, MR, Bi-polar, early onset x 4. Now seeking one more larger sibling group (at least four and up >to seven) of any minority. Not having much success. Some workers are not happy with six children at home, others simply don't care about the children.
God has blessed us so greatly! We have been gifted with the most precious of souls! Is an ongoing "work of love" .....the "work" being the laundry and the "love" being the kids! Never thought I'd want a large family, now wonder how I lived without! We have 6 absolutely wonderful, beautiful and talented kids! Hee, hee, not biased here!! Our 1st experience was very easy as bmom surrendered. Our 2nd was very long drawn out fairly a nightmare through TPR, inept case management, ridiculous supervisors and appeals. We got there though and the kids are doing sooo well. Worth every minute! Wonderful . Slow. Paperwork.
Each of my adoptions has been like an emotional roller coaster ride…Why do I keep getting back on that ride??? God has blessed me many times over with these wonderful children. This is my life and I would not trade it for anything in the world. God has provided quite well for us. To make a difference in a child's life is so rewarding.
We have adopted internationally and from US foster care. Even though international adoptions are more expensive they can be so much less stressful than coping with all the red tape and bureaucracy involved in adopting from the US foster care system.
Sometimes it has been so hard like when our newborn son could not stop screaming from "crack" cocaine withdrawal. Sometimes frustrating, when our speech-delayed daughter cannot tell us what is wrong. Sometimes amazing when our daughter who was supposed to never walk due to skull fractures and shaken baby syndrome took her first steps at 18 months. And joyful watching this same child as a 3-year-old run into church on Sunday mornings, smiling and hugging everyone along the way. Many tears, happy and sad, have been shed along the way. And we wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Adoption is wonderful and a great way to build a family! My first child was adopted in 1981 and each year since then, I have seen more roadblocks for adoptive parents. It is so frustrating to see children waiting for families because the state turns down everyone who applies for one reason or another~ I am a fighter, though, and I will continue, hopefully by adopting again. If that is not possible, I will still be there as an advocate! I will never abandon ship!!! I think I see a lighthouse in the distance…My labor has been long to find every child in my family. After the children got home it was wonderful for the most part, even with all the ABC's of life. You see I was born to be a mom. I just choose to do it a different way. The adoption labor way…it was a labor of love.
Short paragraph? You have got to be kidding, ha, ha. The Lord has blessed us time and again. We so enjoy the antics of children, their thirst for knowledge no matter what their handicap, their agape type love, even their challenges and weaknesses. It sure keeps us young. We also enjoy discovering that we can do things we never thought possible. We love the daily variety of school, sports, music, art, and everything else that parenting brings to our lives. We are able to laugh when a little ones shows us the grave for his pet sow bug...of course we just laughed within because it was serious to this precious little guy. We get to see the results of a child working years to learn to walk, even if the walk is awkward. We get to hear "Mom you look beautiful," even though we just woke up, our hair is turning gray, and our skin is a bit flabby. We also get to continue to enjoy the field trips to the river or zoo, hear the giggles of kids outside, or receive their beautiful pictures each day. Oh dear, maybe you were asking about our experiences with the agencies, etc. Well, if so, then it has been varied. Wonderful friendships have developed with some of the kids' workers. We have been frustrated, though, mainly when things just don't go our way (it is hard to wait upon the Lord at times). Waiting for answers (like word of acceptance or date of travel) is the most difficult. Another frustration is working with the system for adoption subsidies, yuck!!
We feel truly blessed by all of our children and also feel they were all hand picked by God. and with God's help we are helped to continue to raise them. WE also cannot imagine NOT having any one of them in our family!
Although it has been a difficult journey, I wouldn't change it for the world! There is no greater blessing than to see the transformation of a scared, angry child to a happy, carefree child. The Lord has blessed us richly with our 3 bio and 3 adopted children, and we pray that He will bless again soon with a sibling group! :-)
Twenty six years have flown by…Lots of memories, many more still in the making…I get tired and weary at times, but wouldn't change it. All mine were special needs so it sure is the icing on the cake to have this little grandson who is so bright and attached. I must say, adoption is my life and I am now blessed to be a licensed independent social worker directing an adoption agency. So glad I can make the adoption journey a little easier for others…so glad I can help all the children find their way home…
It has been a roller coaster ride of every motion in the book. I had a man once tell me that these kids will bring out every dysfunction you have they will also bring out the best in you too. Even with all the problems I have had over the years, I know I will still be looking at fostering and adopting. If it is God's will.
Short paragraph? You must be kidding!! We started fostering, then adopted foster children, then I went back to University to earn my degree, then began working as a foster care and adoption caseworker. Many have joined our family along the way and we love each and every one.
We have had great adoption experiences. And OK foster experiences. But we are learning the ropes and getting better at advocating for them.
We have adopted 22 children, all but 2 are now over 18 yrs. old. 9 are still living at home and will as long as I can care for them. The funniest remark has been we were adopting all these children for the money. As our first adoption was in 1969, it was harder to get children after you had 4 than it is now. We also had to do a lot more looking to find them. Most workers were not looking to place them for adoption, partly because they didn't know how. We have loved adding to our family over the years.
Mostly positive but really didn't find much support through our local FC system. I would do FC again but with my eyes wide open....I found my out of state adoptions very easy. ICPC was very smooth. The 2 CA. adoptions were private agencies and very accommodating. Maine continues to be easy to work with but because of Maine's financial problems they are cutting my daughter sub in half.
Our experiences in adopting are as varied as all individuals are.....some children easy and not as challenging as some workers were to work with. Other workers were as difficult to work with as our RAD child is to parent.
At times it has been totally the pits. The time waiting was the hardest. The politics used in choosing a family was a lot to be desired. the children I was chosen for in the end have been a blessing for me.
I have adopted from foster care and then siblings, cousins, of children already adopted by me. I am still open to perhaps one or two more children but am now particular about what age and sex and disability the child would have. I am careful not to take a child that would conflict with the children I already have.
We have adopted internationally - both via agency and independently. We have adopted domestically - both agency and independent. And we have adopted from NYC foster care system. We are very active in our local adoptive parent support group, which has been a big help with our credibility to be able to adopt more.
All our adoptions have been with the foster kids we have taken in. The length of time the adoptions have taken vary from 18 months to 3 months. We are going to be adopting again in the next few weeks. Over all our adoption experiences has been very positive.
We feel very blessed to be able to do exactly what we set out to do. We feel that God has placed all of our children with us and that we were meant to do just what we are doing. When we were courting, we talked about what we wanted to do with our lives and this was it. Now we are in the middle of getting a new homestudy done to adopt a sibling group in Illinois. We are limited as to the number of children under 18 we can have at any one time or we'd probably have more. We have 15 children, 8 of them adults and doing fine, 4 of them parents to my 9 grandchildren, 2 of them in college and doing well. The rest of them are home schooling and doing beautifully.
It has been a great learning experience for us, adopting special needs children, mostly sibling groups, and now a few from disruptions. Am perplexed at being turned down for children because we are a large family; it used to be an advantage, and now we seem at a disadvantage to unskilled workers. Our experiences have been mostly good, although hard fought in two cases, and one very rough adoption. All in all wouldn't change doing what we feel is God's work for us here on earth.
Our experience has been a great one!!! We love adopting and watching our children change for the better, and just seeing them be able to do things they weren't supposed to be able to do, according to SW's or DRS. We are both home to care for our children and feel this is what God has for us to do in our life. It's not always easy, but nothing in life is totally easy. We enjoy our kids and are happy doing what we do. The worst part is now, because we would like to adopt more children, but caseworkers, or social workers and agencies look at our family and say, "Why would you want to adopt any more children???" They just don't get it. This is what we do and we do a good job of it. I'm not being boastful, it's just a gift, I guess. Like most of you all God gave us this gift and we are trying to use it the best we know how. I wish agencies would not judge us before they know us. Or just not judge us by our size, but by how well we do, and I'm speaking for all of us.
Are there things I would do differently? Most definitely YES, Would I want to have missed loving close to 30 kids? NO WAY.
Visitors to our site since October 2, 2003.
