Foundation For Large Families
Are They All Yours?
Tonja Brossette
Parenthood.com
It's a typical morning in a small town in Northern Virginia. The smell of pancakes and bacon fills the air in a modest-sized home nestled in a quiet suburban neighborhood. As 44-year old Eva Lindscott begins her ritual of arranging the eight place settings on the kitchen table, the clamor of 12, swift feet on hardwood floors hasten her efforts. Within seconds, Eva's husband, Rick, and their children, Melody, 8, Megan and Hanna, 4, and Kelsey, Sydni and Jack, 2, are seated, and the Lindscott day commences. "We waited until our mid-thirties to start a family because we were still in the throes of building our finances and establishing our careers," recalls Lindscott, a stay-at-home-mom and part-time freelance graphic designer. "After Melody was born, we decided to wait a while for a second, but learned after a year of trying that it wasn't as easy as the first time by then." The Lindscotts, after 2 years of unexplained infertility, conceived their twins via In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and, two years later, thanks to the same medical procedure, the couple's triplets were conceived.
While most may consider starting a family in their 20s and 30s ideal, many couples of the post-Baby Boom generation have postponed plans for children in favor of time alone together, travel, educational endeavors, or career. In fact, the birth rate among women in their 40's has increased by nearly 50 percent over the past 20 years, and more than 20 percent of all children in the United States today are born to women over the age of 35. Unfortunately, some couples find that waiting until later in life to start a family may yield more obstacles in their efforts to conceive a child. A woman in her late 30s is nearly 30 percent less fertile than she was in her early 20s.
According to a 2000 report from the Center for Disease Control, 20 percent of pregnancies achieved with assisted reproductive technology (ART) and drugs that induce ovulation, such as Human Menopausal Gonadotropin (hMG) and FSH 15, will result in multiple pregnancies, including twins and triplets.
Janet Bleyl, mother of 10 and president of The Triplet Connection (http://www.tripletconnection.org), a non-profit organization providing support to multiple-birth families, has worked with some 20,000 expectant moms of higher order multiples, many of whom are older women who have waited to have their families or suffered infertility for many years. Janet had six children of her own before her naturally-conceived triplets were born. Six years later, she welcomed another child into the family.
"Many of our older couples were forced to turn to ART in order to conceive after postponing their family," says Bleyl. "The majority of our families have very strong marriages, strengthened by common goals and commitments. In spite of the challenges during pregnancy and afterwards, most of our families remain very committed and work very hard together to see to the well-being of their children and one another." She adds, "Somehow, we survive it, but it's certainly a difficult, albeit exciting and miraculous, time."
"They became a wonderfully natural play group," Bleyl offers, reflecting on her own experience with parenting 10 children. "My own three identical boys are the most wonderful friends I've ever seen. They have absolute unconditional love for one another, and they support one another in a way that is amazing to behold."
Of course, not all large families are a result of multiple births. Many couples have dreams of large families from the start. "I grew up as an only child and, by my teens, decided that I would surround my children with siblings if possible," says Melisa Cantrell. "I always remembered the boredom of never having anyone to play with during family vacations or someone to share my toys with on Christmas morning, so we started early." Six months into their marriage, Chris and Melisa decided to start their family, and eight years later, are the proud parents of six young children.
"It's hectic at times, but you get into a rhythm after a while," offers Chris Cantrell. "You come to expect six runny noses when one gets sick; family car shopping is always amusing; and budgeting becomes as routine as brushing your teeth. But it's all worth it when you look at your children sitting at the dinner table with their best buddies arguing over who got more mashed potatoes." Melisa adds, "Ironically, one of the most challenging issues of raising a large family is the comments we get from strangers. We rarely go anywhere as a family without hearing 'How do you do it?' or 'You're braver than I am!' Still, neither Chris nor I have ever seen our efforts as extraordinary. It's simply the lifestyle and family size we've chosen, and we've never regretted a day of it."
Raising large families in today's society carries its challenges, and although some may shudder at the mere thought of more than two children, almost all who parent by the numbers agree that the occasional frustrations associated with many children are well worth the time and effort when they witness the bonds that develop between their children. As Janet Bleyl puts it, "The experience is intense and fleeting. They're all so noisy, so much fun, so demanding, and they all are very likely to leave your home at the same time. The experience is incredibly joyful, but it's over far to soon."
Seasoned mother, author and publicist, Bev Sykes, gave birth to five children in a six-year period. "By today's standards our family would be considered large," says Sykes. "There are pros and cons to raising a large family. The cons are obvious when you have three in diapers and two nursing at the same time, a mountain of laundry, and everybody crying at once. It's hectic and noisy and messy, and you can't get through McDonald's for under $25." She adds, "But the pros outweigh the cons as you watch your kids, wrestling like a litter of puppies, grow into each other's best friends. Always someone to talk to. Always someone to lean on. It was a roller coaster ride, and I wouldn't have missed a minute."
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