Information email: largefamilies2001@yahoo.com
Token Economy or How To Promote Self Esteem, Build Life Skills and Help Parents Stay Sane in a "Larger than usual family'.
Thanks to Deedee
Many people ask me 'How do you stay sane with so MANY children?" The next question is generally "How on earth do you manage to get all the household chores done?"
This system is called 'token economy'. For each thing a child does appropriately, they receive points.. regular chores have a predetermined > set of points.. each child has to keep their own chart.
Here are a few suggestions that worked when I had 14 children at home. Now that we only have seven, it's a little easier, but the system is really a sanity saver. It puts the responsibility with the child for keeping track of his points. With the older ones, they are responsible for the adding and subtracting, with bonus points for being honest and for getting it done efficiently, and accurately and extra chores assigned, (at NO Points) if a child consistently errs in a dishonest way for more points than entitled to.
Chores are assigned to children in age appropriate levels. Like setting or clearing the table, loading the dishwasher, cleaning counters, keeping rooms clean, beds made, bringing laundry down at preset times and days, reading a story to a younger sibling, vacuuming, etc.
If children are picky eaters, extra points are assigned for eating things one doesn't like with a nice attitude and bonus points when they learn to enjoy it. Points are assigned for table manners, proper listening, answering, asking questions politely, etc. Makes mealtimes much more pleasant! Privileged are 'purchased' by points.. we recently had a trip to an amusement park. Each child had to accumulate 1000 points to do so. Two children got into major trouble the day of the excursion and got to stay home on 'house arrest with me and the three babies'. No TV, no friends, no leaving the house and have to do extra chores without points. It removes a lot of having to consequence them other than minor five or ten minute 'sit on the stairs and think about what you're doing'.
Staying up later than normal, renting a special movie, getting a popsicle, going to a friends house, or a second serving of desert are earned by using a child's points. A child must be 'in good standing', that is, no uncompleted chores, times outs or other consequences, to spend points.
The system works well in helping build both trust and self esteem as there are instant rewards (points) for almost anything a child can do that is positive. All the while it builds the child's ability to control impulses and work toward rewards..
On a particularity bad day, I can declare a 'double points for' what ever.. patience, co-operation, kindness, etc. Or 'for helping mom day'..
On a really difficult day I can assign points for 'gee you're breathing SO well today'. It also helps keep the ratio of positive comments/statements weighed in favor of positive rather than always being on a child's case for misbehavior.
The charts are both general and task specific. For example.. Kindness, respect, co-operation, sharing, can apply to almost any behavior or situation. Helping mom or dad or siblings.
Each child's specific chores, such as emptying garbage, feeding a family pet, etc. can be put in.. being reverent in church is worth 10 points, as is learning a scripture verse. Older children get more points for setting a good example to younger sibs, etc.
It really takes away a lot of the negative interactions of parenting difficult children, teaches them to work for a reward, and meets their needs for instant gratification, while building self esteem and self worth in the long term.
It also encourages children to learn necessary life skills and rewards them for doing so.
It's flexible enough to work with all ages, or at least from three or so to adult hood.
Since stealing is often a problem, we keep 'books' with each child's allowances (independent of chores) being recorded. When a child makes a withdrawl, they're on their way out of the house. If they have funds when they return, it goes back into Daddy's pocket and back onto the books. A percentage of allowance can be spent on sweets, (small amount), a percentage goes to tithing, or service or charity and some towards future savings, such as a Mission fund.
Oh yes, and I gave them permission to steal. WHEN they get caught (not IF), they owe me DOUBLE the cost of what ever replacement costs are. And have to work it off doing chores for no points till the balance is back to the black. Amazing how stealing dwindles!
ANY 'found' money in the house belongs to Mom and Dad and is taken immediately. This leaves only our pocket books to keep locked up and free from theft. No more 'that's MY money' from competing children. Lots more sanity and less stress.
Deedee Deedee@IAsk4Kids.org
Visitors to our site since February 3 03, 2003.
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