Society and it’s Views on Adoption
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the comments and advice given concerning our daughter at the residential center. It really did tick me off that they considered our not even wanting to discuss terminating our parental rights as being selfish but I think what really bothers me is how flippant they are to adopted children. I’m beginning to think that it’s really a much larger societal problem in that society feels adopted children are somehow less than a birth child.
I think of the many run ins over the years with people who are just plain uneducated on adoption and what it means and in those cases if it’s that they are uneducated about adoption then I can have a little more understanding and patience. Who I don’t expect it from are doctors, lawyers, police officers and therapists.
“Terminate your parental rights”, a common phrase that one hears ONLY if your child is adopted. I have never met anybody who received this advice for their troubled birth children. No , instead it’s as if these children somehow mean less to you than your birth children. Unless of course cps is involved and they are the ones doing the termination of parental rights. Which then brings me to wonder why it is that when cps does get involved in families with birth and adopted children , why is it that they so easily remove the adopted children? Also , why is it that in some cases they return the birth children and terminate the parental rights on the adopted children ? Is it possible that the state themselves feel the same way ? I know there are many variables in the above mentioned scenario but I’m really beginning to feel that maybe there in lies the whole “adopted child syndrome” , as long as society doesn’t feel that adopted and birth children are equivalent then these children can never heal. They will always be one step away from feeling “different” from feeling they are somehow less important because they are the “adopted child.”
Perhaps this is why years ago it was quite normal for families to never tell anybody that their child was adopted. In doing so the child never had to go through and experience the “adopted child syndrome”. Maybe that generation was onto something…..just maybe they had it right ?